I'm thinking about it.

Need. To. Blog. More.

Up all night

By now, I'm pretty much accostomed to my daughter and her sleep routines. She will sleep for one five-hour period everyday - the trick is to make it happen at night, and to make it happen at a time that I will be able to sleep at the same time. It is a good trick, too, since I have suffered with insomnia most of my life. Penelope is already a sleep fighter - she will be completely collapsed in my arms with her eyes just the slightest bit open. I think 'she's asleep, I should put her in her crib NOW!' as soon as I think it... it's over... she's completely awake, punching the air (and her face) with these spasmodic arm movements. So sweet and so annoying.

Anyway, back to my routine... it's 12:09 AM and I'm blogging and Penn is snug as a bug in her crib. I'm hoping this will be the five hour sleep - if I'm lucky, I will get to spend four of those hours in my own bed. Hour five is a wash now that I'm on the computer. I'll simply have to check ebay for a stroller and do some facebooking as my computer time is few and far between these days. Ahhh... the joys of motherhood. It's wonderful and scary and frustrating and miraculous all at the same time.
~Green

Thursday, January 14, 2010

It's been quite some time since my last post. Penelope has made her arrival. Mommy and baby are both home and happy and healthy, even if a little sleep deprived. Penn was/is a little jaundiced and mommy is suffering with some sciatic pain from the anesthesia. But other than that, we are great and getting used to each other and trying to establish a routine.

I never really thought I would love being a mom so much. I figured I would love my child and be protective of her and all that, but I really feel so physically attached to her - that was the part I was not expecting. You know how you have muscle memory? Like, if you learn the wrong golf swing (or the right golf swing) to begin with, you will probably always swing like that - your muscles, your body has a memory of its own. My body remembers Penelope and I actually physically ache sometimes when I'm not near her. I did not expect this. At this point, it's really hard for me to be away from her, even in another room. I hear her cries in my head - I know some of this is the lack of sleep and my crazy hormones, but a lot of it is just this incredible NEED I feel for her. I was not prepared for this, but as I've learned quite recently, you can't be prepared for everything in this life and many times you just have to go with it.

So... let's all hang in there and live our lives - by the seat of your pants if you can. Penn's crying (for real this time) - gotta go...

~Green