High School Reunion

That's right, folks. My 20 year high school reunion is this weekend and I'm just freaking out about it, or at least I was.

Most of the time I know how awesome I am. I feel confident about who I am and who my family is and I know that we are great. But somehow, faced with this marker in time, I'm getting really thrown and shaken. All of a sudden, I feel middle aged. I just don't want to have to think about my mortality.

The reunion itself should be a blast. I'm going out to look for a dress tomorrow and I'm really excited about seeing all my old pals in one place. It's all the thinking about it that gets to me. I'm doing a lot better since I decided to go - last week, when I was still undecided, I had two panic attack days. Friday was the worst. Panic attacks all morning. I thought, I'll take Penn to the aquarium and that will be healthy for me - getting out in the sun and walking around. Well... the aquarium was fine. It was when we came home and I put her down for a nap that things spiraled out of control. My jaw was clenched and I started to cry and couldn't stop. I finally called my sister and talking helped a lot. I also needed to take a multivitamin and an iron pill. I just forget how much of the symptoms are chemical.

I've felt great since getting back on track with my vitamins. I also bought some melatonin today and I took that for the first time tonight. It seems to be working right now. My eyes are closing as I type.