Green Comes Alive

Okay, so... I'm a grown ass woman, as Oprah said on her show, but I still get all tingly when I think about Shaun Cassidy, Leif Garret, David Cassidy, Peter Frampton, etc...
I was that girl that was boyCRAZY. It's insane that I still get that giddy feeling when I see my idols on stage, on TV or whatever. I love that I can still feel that way. Those intense, teenage (and much pre-teen) feelings of admiration for the tame crushes of my past. I can't wait for Penelope to find her first idol. You never forget your first loves and they really stay with you. I love that at age 37, I can turn on Oprah and can remember exactly how I felt at age 6.

I remember being about five years old and dancing around my house to Barry Manilow. I loved the record jacket because he was sitting with a dog - a beagle. His shirt said I <3 dogs. I just loved it. After Barry, I became obsessed with Peter Frampton and the BeeGees. I listened to the Sgt. Pepper's album everyday and loved to look at the fold-out record jacket.

Peter Frampton is coming up next on Oprah, and I just can't wait... Gotta go! Show me the way, baby!

Sugar Bad

Okay, so I was watching Dr. Oz today and he was saying that the average woman today can decrease her chance of having a heart attack by 50% and her risk of developing type II Diabetes by 60% simply by losing ten pounds. Just 10 lbs! That is amazing to me.

I can lose ten pounds. I've lost ten pounds before. Most recently when I was pregnant. I had to quit eating sugar and I lost weight. When I delivered Penelope I was (almost) instantly 30 pounds lighter than before I was pregnant and she only weighed 8 lbs. 

I know this can be done. So I intend to go on a sugar free diet and a low carb diet. This will be more than just cutting out sugar and carbs for a little while, this will be for the rest of my life. My husband always says, "if you don't eat it now you will be able to enjoy it later." I think this is the best motto to eat by. I don't really want to give anything up forever - I don't think that's right and I like food (sweets) too much to give them up indefintely. But I can severely limit my intake.

Wish me luck!

xoxox
Green

Ohio Star Quilt Sept 10

Here is the playlist for my Ohio Star Quilt.

Ohio Star Quilt Sept 10: "1. Ohio - Neil Young
2. Young Americans (Single) - David Bowie
3. Landed - Ben Folds
4. Bullet With Butterfly Wings - Smashing Pumpkins
5. My City Was Gone - Pretenders
6. Only Happy When It Rains - Garbage
7. The Sweet Escape - Gwen Stefani
8. Don't Know Why - Norah Jones
9. Sober - Pink
10. Next Year - Foo Fighters
11. California Gurls (feat. Snoop Dogg) - Katy Perry
12. Hallelujah - Rufus Wainwright
13. Tonight, Tonight - Smashing Pumpkins
14. Cleveland Rocks - Presidents of the United States of America"

No sleep for mom

For many, many years, well... at least as long as I can remember, I have had insomnia. It flares up from time to time and gets really bad, but I usually have it. I don't really think of it as insomnia, but my sleep schedule. Allowed to sleep when my body wants and I will fall asleep at 3 or 4AM and wake up around 11AM - that is perfect for me. Unfortunately, I live in the world and have had to adapt to a more "regular" sleep/wake routine. Now that I don't work, I'm back to being nocturnal. The only bad thing about this is that my daughter is being affected. I think she is picking up this same strange nighttime routine. I'd love for her to be a good sleeper and to not have to adapt every Fall for school, but she may be hardwired for no sleep like her mom.

If it were just an unusual or irregular schedule it would be fine, but I end up feeling depressed and a little like a misfit for having unusual sleep habits. It's a lonely time - being awake and knowing every infomercial by heart... watching the same old movies over and over again because it makes me feel comforted when I'm awake for hours with no company.

I guess it might be good to have Penn on the same sleep schedule... at least we can keep each other company...

Learning, always learning

I really wanted to be a mom. It took two surgeries and many months of going to the doctor to get diagnosed with hypothyroidism and prescribed meds that I will have to take everyday for the rest of my life to be able to carry a pregnancy to term. Let's just say, I really wanted to be a mom. But being a mom is not always the way I envisioned it. Some days are very very difficult. So difficult you are left emotionally bruised and battered and not always better for the wear. Today was one of those days.

Going on very little sleep, I found myself angry at my precious angel because she wouldn't sleep. She would be passed out while nursing, but every time I put her in her crib she would wake and cry until I picked her up. When  I say "cry", it is no ordinary cry, but turning bright red/purple, and screaming until choking. I want to do what's best for my baby. I want to be a good mother, a caring mother. But in moments such as this, I just become an annoyed, frustrated, tired, cranky mother.

I want to be that wonderful mother. You know the kind of mother... the kind that always knows just what to do, the kind that never gets frazzled or annoyed with her kids, the kind that just smiles and the baby is comforted. Then, I realized that I am that mother. I'm Penelope's mother and she doesn't smile her million dollar smile for just anyone all the time, only me. I'm like the "Rockstar". Sometimes she looks at me like I'm famous. Like... "OMG! I can't believe she's standing right there." It's wonderful, such an ego boost. It almost makes up for the inevitable teen years I know will come when she hates me and everything I do.

I need to learn to go with the flow and just be Penn's mommy. Love her. And... fake it till you make it. :)
~Green

Teaching & Learning

Being a new mom is all about teaching and learning. I think other than being in elementary school, this is the most new learning I've done in my life. It would seem that raising a child would be second nature, I mean, I've been a child, I can remember what it was like... sort of.  But everything I do for her I feel like I need to learn, to consult with other mothers and resources. Lots of resources. There are so many techniques and ways to do things out there, some new and some older than dirt. I try to just follow my best judgement and do what comes naturally to me and to Penelope, but it's not always so easy.

My daughter is a different person than I am and she doesn't do things the way that I would do them, or do do them (I wrote do do - ha!). She is a perfect blend of personality traits from both her father and me - which is just crazy to think about. She gets from me:

• a fabulous sense of humor
• her love of animals (especially dogs)
• her ability to fight off sleep
• her love of attention

and from her dad:

• anger and frustration at not being able to do everything
• a quiet intelligence (you can just see that she is brilliant)
• her love of looking at herself in the mirror

I'm enjoying learning about her so much that sometimes I don't know if I'm teaching her the right things - I mean that I get sidetracked by watching her and am not always the greatest role model. Like going to get fast food instead of cooking dinner because we spent all afternoon at the zoo again and I just don't feel like cooking. Or watching The Hills and The City on tv because it's on and it's late and I just really want to watch it. Or drinking cokes with my meals - mostly diet, but still...

I guess I need to cut myself some slack. It's a learning process.

I'm thinking about it.

Need. To. Blog. More.

Up all night

By now, I'm pretty much accostomed to my daughter and her sleep routines. She will sleep for one five-hour period everyday - the trick is to make it happen at night, and to make it happen at a time that I will be able to sleep at the same time. It is a good trick, too, since I have suffered with insomnia most of my life. Penelope is already a sleep fighter - she will be completely collapsed in my arms with her eyes just the slightest bit open. I think 'she's asleep, I should put her in her crib NOW!' as soon as I think it... it's over... she's completely awake, punching the air (and her face) with these spasmodic arm movements. So sweet and so annoying.

Anyway, back to my routine... it's 12:09 AM and I'm blogging and Penn is snug as a bug in her crib. I'm hoping this will be the five hour sleep - if I'm lucky, I will get to spend four of those hours in my own bed. Hour five is a wash now that I'm on the computer. I'll simply have to check ebay for a stroller and do some facebooking as my computer time is few and far between these days. Ahhh... the joys of motherhood. It's wonderful and scary and frustrating and miraculous all at the same time.
~Green

Thursday, January 14, 2010

It's been quite some time since my last post. Penelope has made her arrival. Mommy and baby are both home and happy and healthy, even if a little sleep deprived. Penn was/is a little jaundiced and mommy is suffering with some sciatic pain from the anesthesia. But other than that, we are great and getting used to each other and trying to establish a routine.

I never really thought I would love being a mom so much. I figured I would love my child and be protective of her and all that, but I really feel so physically attached to her - that was the part I was not expecting. You know how you have muscle memory? Like, if you learn the wrong golf swing (or the right golf swing) to begin with, you will probably always swing like that - your muscles, your body has a memory of its own. My body remembers Penelope and I actually physically ache sometimes when I'm not near her. I did not expect this. At this point, it's really hard for me to be away from her, even in another room. I hear her cries in my head - I know some of this is the lack of sleep and my crazy hormones, but a lot of it is just this incredible NEED I feel for her. I was not prepared for this, but as I've learned quite recently, you can't be prepared for everything in this life and many times you just have to go with it.

So... let's all hang in there and live our lives - by the seat of your pants if you can. Penn's crying (for real this time) - gotta go...

~Green